Her name is Your Mom, because she is little, economical, and mean. What do I mean by economical? You know what I mean. Just thank me that I spared you the manual transmission jokes.

This little baddie will outlive all of us. She's destined for a Mad Max immortality, so she'll definitely last until you can get a decent job. Psych, you're never going to get a decent job because you were born in the wrong generation. That's the bad news. The good news that your strategy of just going to the beach is a totally appropriate response to an economic predicament that you had no hand in creating. And you can still afford Tina. That's her real name, short for Patina. But you haven't earned the right to call her that yet, so take her name out of your damn mouth. I've had her for a few years, odometer stopped working a while ago, so miles are 120k miles approximate, and just a number anyway. You can only open the drivers door with your right hand. Don't ask me why, I don't make the rules. Other that she's as perfect - upholstery is mint, interior looks good, upgraded Apple Play deck, platform shoes, pap smear came back clean. Pure 1998 unquestionable badassery - like Miseducation of Lauren Hill and the movie Waterboy. Enough jerking off, or thinking you are going to find a more perfect ride to boost your social standing. This is it, come buy my car. I'll take $5,000 or the highest offer I get before the Summer Solstice on June 20 at 7:42 pm. It's a day foreordained in the cosmos for you get this car. It's also a day that represents fertility. Yes, we are back to the topic of your mom.